So it's hard to believe that it's been a year now since January 3, 2011 that I've been engaged to Bob. Let me share some things which I have learned in this past year of our whirlwind engagement.
1. Guys will surprise you when you least expect it!
Never under estimate your man! One thing is for certain they like to keep us on our toes! Don't think that he won't change his mind about the tux, grooms gifts, cake flavor or design, or yes even the honeymoon! They actually can be just like us ladies, very uncertain or undecided at any given time! Bob's biggest surprise to me was him changing his opinion on the style of tux vest/tie that he wanted to wear (trust me I was surprised by the sudden change of heart in style!
2. Many people do want a say in things concerning the wedding.
Do you mean to say they will frustrate me with picky choices, or not like my choice? Yes, you can expect that. What do I mean by that you ask? Well let me say this men can be very opinionated and my man sure has when I least expected him to be. Listen to them though as they do offer some good advice from time to time even if it's not how you imagine it in your head. Others have been the same, and no I haven't followed this advice like I should have which is why I'm writing it. Others do have some good ideas to expand on your dream wedding, sometimes it goes and sometimes it just doesn't! But I can say give them a fair chance you could be surprised at the outcome. Trust me I'm still learning this one!
3. Recognize whom you really want at your wedding, there maybe surprises along the way.
People will disappoint you and break your heart, while others will be pushy and expect an invite and others will be so excited and honored to attend your special occasion. Caution though as there will also be the occasional few whom will want to steer you away from getting married all together! Yes, some could be offering very thought provocative issues in a godly manner, while others may not be. And others could just be stirring up trouble as well. Follow your heart with what you feel is best, and most importantly pray about it and what was said, but make sure to follow what you know Gods truth and direction is leading you to in your life. Recognize not everyone will agree with your choice in a life partner or in your upcoming marriage BUT if you follow what God has called you to do then you can't go wrong! Yes this can be very sad but it's part of growing and recognizing whom true friends are and in knowing who will truly support your marriage in good and bad times!
4. Choose your wedding party wisely.
Choosing the wedding party can either be very easy or very difficult. Ladies choose a Matron/Maid of honor whom you can count on no matter what life my throw their/your way! You will need that person in so many ways! Know you have some one whom knows your tastes and respects you enough to make the right decisions. Find gal whom is a planner, a thinker and one whom loves to help in any way! Ensure to have a good relationship with the lucky lady because there will some intimate details between you shared and you will need her help in several areas in the days leading up to the wedding, to the day of and past the big day. I can truly say my Matron of Honor is all of these things plus some!!! Choose bridesmaids and groomsmen whom you can rely on that will do the same and stand by you, and your future spose and your decisions!
We've had a few hiccups along the way with three former wedding party attendants, however the lessons I have gotten have been very valuable! Your TRUE friends who love you, respect you, pray and truly want what's best for you and know you inside out will be by you no matter what! Same applies to the gentlemen as well. Know sometimes even the ones you don't think will fail you are the very ones that do. So really trust your gut and think them through! (side note I'm still good friends with a couple of them, it just takes time, forgiveness, love and prayer!)
5. Stick to your guns and your heart!
There are just some whom are still living in the 60's - 80's era in their mind will give you responses like "Well it wasn't done that way back in our days." or "Well we didn't have that at our wedding why do you need it?" Or my favorite, "you should do this instead." I have found that many want to put in their opinions whether wanted or not into decisions or visions which I've had for my wedding for a long time.
Stick to what you have always wanted within budgetary means of course for the wedding and/or reception. I have been able to save in a few areas and splurge on the honeymoon some. Some have not agreed with my color scheme but I love it and that's all that matters! I've learned to bend a little but I have stuck to what I have been dreaming about all my life in many areas. And still be able to make some happy and some not.
6. Stand by your man.
Times can be hard for them just as well! Mine has had multiple health concerns this year and challenges! But one thing is for certain it means the world to them when you are there to love and pray and support them no matter what! Always remember what caused you to fall in love with them in the first place to get you to say "Yes I'll marry you!". Pray daily for him, for his walk with the Lord and for his mind. Work at the relationship on both ends and be supportive in his decisions for his job and life. When you stand by him and support him and encourage him... He will once again surprise you and show you how much his love is for you. Also, I've been learning how to respect him more...no it's not easy and yes I fail at this quite often...but I'm trying to learn and the benefits do reap when I do so. Watch and listen when he's talking with friends and encourage him to be the best supporter he can be, friend, and protector and provider!
7. Pray about every thing for your marriage, wedding, honeymoon and where you will live.
I have found along the way that it is important to really pray often and a lot for your marriage, wedding, honeymoon and where you will live even all the little things you don't think will matter they really do. Pray about EVERYTHING, the bible tells us to pray without ceasing and to pray about everything with prayer and petitions. "Do no be anxious about anything , but in prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phil 4:6"
This is hard and trust me it is...but God knows what we want, what we need and how to provide before we do. So wouldn't it be better to believe in him to provide and not worry? Yes but sadly I still do it. However God has been teaching me more and more to trust and rely on him. Pray for your future suppose for his/her walk with the Lord to continue to grow, pray they will follow after Gods heart, for them to understand you more and for your love to grow more. Pray for your future children for them to have a healthy life, be strong and smart and have a relationship with God. Pray for the family dynamics to get along, for the wedding to go smoothly and for Gods presence to be there most importantly on the day you pledge forever with your future spouse! For your love to grow more and more stronger because there is an enemey that wants to tear you apart! Who knows you could be like us and be picking out apartments on your one year anniversary and signing paperwork to get approved!
Pray about where you are to go on the honeymoon too. Maybe God doesn't want you to spend a lot on an expensive honeymoon now or he does. Maybe where you go and when could be a blessing to not just you but others as well.
8. Compromise
I have learned along the way to sometimes take the good with the bad, and to let bygones be bygones. Learn that as much as you would like you can't always have it your way and you have to let the other decide as well. Now this can be done constructively to get your way but try not to manipulate the situation too much. They are their own individual person with dreams and hopes of their own for themselves and the other person and they come with their own expectations as well! Give in a little you might be surprised and actually find yourself liking some of the same things as them or heaven forbid find out they were right on something and you liking or agreeing with them anyways. You will get other blessings in disguise when you give up some of your wants for their wants!
9. Take time out for each other from time to time.
Always remember to take a break from wedding planning and surprise them with a date night and special time for just each other with NO wedding talk allowed. It shows the guy you are thinking of them and the relationship not just the wedding all the time.
10. Learn to play fair.
OK so I stink at this but I'm learning to give the man some space, trying not to interrupt and too much. Give each other time to speak and time to think. Also give each other space when it's needed to calm down.
All this goes out to any future bride to be and those in current marriages and relationships now!
Ps...to my man thanks for choosing me and loving me for me! Jan. 3rd we celebrated being in love and our engagement...one year later we celebrated with signing an application for an apartment that will be our first apartment when we are married because we were APPROVED!!!!!! I love you!!!! May God always look after you and us!
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